Reddit dependent relationship. Experiences of being in a relationship with a co-dependent. Mar 24, 2023 · In codependent relationships, one person sacrifices more than the other. It’s so important to have a life outside of your partner. Surviving the relationship, adjusting, and adapting? Sure. He sometimes avoids the emotions of a relationship. They are things she needs to address with herself. Before being in a relationship I had my own hobbies and things I did on my own that made me happy. This was my experience of this transition, which I've tried to express as a summary of my journey of recovery from co-dependency, I apologise for any triggers, I am sharing in the hope it might help others and is posted with love as you go on your own journey. I (32F) have been in a relationship for a few years with my BF (33M). Have you tried talking to him and did he practically break down? This is in no way a healthy relationship and his hyper dependence is coming at the cost of your mental health. Its not a bad thing, don’t be ashamed of who you are. phases of agoraphobia, dependence and panic 4 distinct times of my life 114 votes, 29 comments. OK her idea of a relationship is that a couple does everything together as a couple. But she never got better. If he was looking for honestly and realism, no it's probably not possible. I've been really struggling with anxiety and being too dependent on my boyfriend (25,M). For both your sakes. clevelandclinic. fighting to be heard and respected. If you’re stuck in a toxic, co-dependent relationship you need someone to help change the way you think. Most will have access to discretionary hardship funds you can request to help you out. i'm older, so take that for what it's worth. Think of how your life was before you two got together. I've been widowed nearly 2 years and it truly feels like she wants me dependent on her and not to move forward and be happy. it is very hard to be with someone that struggles with that. I hope you are truly past the point of wanting to handle her emotions for her. Firstly your boyfriend is an amazing communicator for telling you exactly what it is that's bothering him, being with someone who's emotionally dependent is exhausting /r/Relationships is a community built around helping people and the goal of providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between redditors. But assertive communication and creating boundaries can reduce codependency. She just cemented her dependent habits & I became ever more the codependent. And I need more reassurance than others with a more secure attachment style. I am uncomfortable with being financially dependent on anyone, but I was in a relationship over the pandemic where we moved in together (the first time I'd done that), and the security was SO. • 4 yr. I tried to discuss this with her from a place of love but she got very defensive and said no, she is just a very loving Codependence can also look like the opposite of some of these examples too- like you feel responsible for constantly meeting the other person’s needs and your happiness depends on their happiness and approval. However, it was the most intense relationship that I have ever had. We have a loving relationship with occasional arguments here and there, like normal couples do. and dont fall for her emotional blackmail about suicide. There’s an unhealthy reason WHY you keep running back to someone toxic and that needs to be explored and changed. So. Sounds like you are actively trying to put in emotional support, buy gifts, spend time, and be more sexual. Relationships need time and space apart from each other and healthy boundaries. Basically incompatibility. I still worked, but he made more money than I did, and we split the bills according to our salaries. You’re right that things can get blurry so it’s best that those involved be clear about what is and isn’t okay. I'll try to mince my words as best I can, but as someone who has been in a few relationships with people who were emotionally dependent on me I'm a little harsh about it all. Having healthy I'm 44M, have had quite a few meaningful relationships including a 10 year marriage that ended years ago. at the beginning of the relationship: spending every possible chance together, not taking time to be an individual outside of the relationship, hitting milestones too early (i love you, moving in together, ect) emotionally regulating for your partner. And once I became self aware I was way better at understanding my own relationship (my bf is a comboniatiom of avoidant and secure attachment. It sounds like there’s a lot of distance between you and your girlfriends needs in your relationship. I've been in recovery from codependency for several years now. What I’ve learned from that and my current relationship is how important alone time is. I’d say try to revive the hobbies you had prior relationship. This could mean a change in the relationship, or even a break up. I use to be like your girlfriend in my very first relationship my ex would try to tell me to hang out with my friends. Nothing is enjoyable to do without having someone at my side. She never chased her dreams. Then I started researching how to stop being emotionally dependent on someone (which in my mind translates to how to be able to truly love someone) but every arcticle I found was somehow very abstract, I am looking for more specific advice. Talk to your university or college and explain the situation. She will make your life a living hell if the relationship progresses beyond what it is now. For the both of you. Not all therapists are good. the girl I have been dating for just over a month now She's not your girlfriend, is she?She's just a girl you're dating?. Period. But I still followed her about 8 months later. For example, a guy was dependent on me in a friendship a few years ago and he couldn't get a job, make a phone call, check his e-mail, or choose clothing without consulting me. NICE. Should your post include possible psychological or emotional triggers, please detail as such in the post title. I need to know where I stand in a relationship. TL;DR: great fam relationships but they didn’t understand my panic attacks as a kid and would leave me to freak out sometimes. I’m mentally and physically drained. But I realised (she admitted it herself) that she's not dependent on this relationship to be happy. If i am someone that is outgoing, makes friends easily, etc. If our relationship is a bucket, we both need to be filling it. But yeah, the issuance of his visa will largely be dependent on my capability as a guarantor/sponsor so I have to get my documents in order. ago. You can leave a relationship no matter how that person is acting, personality disorder or not. Why do you still wanna be with her? LPT: When entering a relationship try and stay as independent as possible for as long as possible. The earlier definitions of it were as it applies to a relationship with a person that is dependent on a substance, like an alcoholic or addict. we met halfway through my sophomore year, he was a year above me, and we went to diff schools. . otherwise ive got no advice for you other than good luck. But now, with time and therapy, I only wish I had left sooner. Some background: I am in therapy and have made a lot of progress, mainly in recognizing past emotional abuse from my mother and learning how to deal with her now. Welcome to r/codependency! We're a community of redditors who've become aware of/are wondering if they are developing signs of codependency. May 8, 2020 · Interdependent relationships, the healthiest type of relationship, fall in the middle. if you break up with her make it a clean break and get it over with fast and dont ever look back. /r/Relationships is a community built around helping people and the goal of providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between redditors. A disclaimer, she was my very first relationship and the very first time I fell in love, which is definitely a big factor on why I feel now so dependent on her. See Al-Anon. Reply. Leaving was so hard. She never made friends. I gave my bf the bucket metaphor. When he broke up with me I was a HOT WRECK. In order to break out of codependent patterns, you need to first understand what a healthy, loving relationship looks like. Realize what you need from a relationship and find people who can and want to give it you. Changing codependency within the context of a relationship? That takes will power, focus, and discipline most people just don't have. In sociology, codependency is a concept that attempts to characterize imbalanced relationships where one person enables another person's self-destructive tendencies (such as addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement) and/or undermines the other person's relationship. I don't think this could be called a "codependent relationship" fairly. I was so dependent on my ex that it would cause unnecessary fights with him and within myself. I felt like I was a failure, a monster. You love him. We both know that we should respect each other's individuality and give each other their own space. ANd if a relationship is bad for a person, it will reflect in their stagnation /decline. Manintaining a relationship like this will require patience and communication. You deserve to be loved and taken care of by someone who genuinely wants to, though being reliant on it definitely isn’t the healthiest thing for a relationship. Relationships only work when both people want to be in it. The more important you are to her son, the more you threaten her. Good thing stubbornness is a key trait of a co dependent of any king. Eventually, the toxic nature of the relationship was too much, and I split up with him over a year ago (so we were 23 and 33 when we met). TL;DR: My Girlfriend is emotionally dependent on me and despite me ruining my sleep schedule and talking to her for 10+ HOURS everyday nonstop it still feels like it’s not enough, and sometimes thinks that I don’t love her. I wasn't willing to continue a relationship separated by 1,000 miles when I was 24, but when I was 29 the pacific ocean and a dream couldn't separate us. Some people stay stuck in bad relationships because they can't get out. I was her 4th, she had been with a few guys for 4, or 7 years, one of them (last one before I met her) was a narcissistic abuser that let her with some trauma. We're all at different points in our healing, please come with open ears and open hearts. The problem starts with this, some incidents led to us talking about individual space and the importance of it. I left my relationship about two months ago because I found out it had been codependent the entire time, and when trying to talk about it with my partner I consistently got the excuse that it was “too much to handle” or that they “weren’t ready” and I was “pushing them. All of her issues are her problems. yea. Before, we were long distance and on top of that, we live in different countries, so we made the long flights back and forth a few times each year. 9 years later and it's like I'm afraid to even leave the house on my own. I am far from dependent on anyone, I'm a grown adult raising a toddler on my own. abusive relationships with a lot of push/pull, belittling, manipulation and gaslighting. The best thing you can do for yourself and the relationship is trying to make your own friends, even if it’s extremely difficult. So if you don't want to be in that relationship, starting to feel obligated to hang around, maybe you should start seriously reconsidering your priorities? But it's always been a choice between him landing a job here and getting sponsored for a work visa or us marrying first so I could sponsor him for a dependent visa. lastly, be cautious about taking advice from 20 year olds on reddit who don't know shit about managing a decade or lifelong relationship. Also, I was in an extremely abusive relationship a few years back where I was very co dependent. Your 200 miles seems to me like an excuse the 24-year-old LieutenantPickles would have made about a relationship he just wasn't that interested in. When we first started living together I saw some signs that she may have some issues with codependence behaviour. Obviously with our age gap we are both emotionally at different maturity levels, but I swear nothing makes you feel more alone when you are waiting for a reply from your partner to help ease your heart after freaking yourself out thanks to your overactive mind. From co-dependent to independent relationships Hello everyone - 46M from UK. Check that you're not trying to stay in the relationship 'no matter what' as a reflection of maybe something like wanting your attachment to your parents to have been far more secure than it was. Jun 10, 2021 · a deep-seated need for approval from others; self-worth that depends on what others think about you; a habit of taking on more work than you can realistically handle, both to earn praise or You're treating it as ruining the relationship - if there wasn't really love it's not ruining the relationship, it's accepting how things actually are. I have made a lot of bad financial decisions. Listen and don’t just hear what you want to hear. Your partner should adding to the relationship too. Most of the literature and discussion on codependency focuses on what seems to be the "worst-case scenario" of codependents striking up romantic relationships with narcissists and other codependents. With any relationship, you have to evaluate what each person is putting into it. To summarize, we met in college, I go to college on the other side of the US, so keep that in mind for future reference. That’s just not someone who is meeting my basic needs in a relationship. For me it felt like they were pulling me down instead of bringing me up. They are affirm loans. I was foolishly charmed by his ability to For those in a non hetero cis monogamous relationships, I’d say that the people involved should communicate and set their expectations. If your life becomes dependent on the relationship then it will be difficult to leave if things don't work out. I (25,F) would be incredibly grateful for some advice. If she's not your girlfriend, then your situation may not be her being "independent-minded", but her just taking things slowly to start a relationship. withdrawing I’ve been through this in my first relationship and I wish I had your awareness at the time. I am suicidal (have struggled with suicidal ideation and severe mental illness since I was 12) and I am very unhappy in this financially dependent relationship even though my partner pays for all the bills. ” Hear what they are saying. Signs of a healthy relationship include making time for each other, maintaining independence, being honest and open, showing affection, and having equality. Time to break up and look for a relationship with someone who has a healthy relationship with their parents and other people as well. moved a lot as a kid. My last relationship was 6 years, so for almost the last decade I have been with someone (I'm 26). Nov 15, 2023 · Look for signs of a healthy relationship. I fear my bf leaving so bad, I am so scared of not having his attention. Either way, NPD or not, you don't need a personality disorder as an excuse to leave a relationship. So I know that is more than and different than co dependency but I am ALSO co dependent. d_everything. Interdependence means you can recognize your own emotional needs and do the work to get many of them met. Sometimes the cues are subtle, sometimes your partner will actually say the words, “I don’t want to be in a relationship with you. redditor justification will not absolve you There's no point in an unhappy relationship for two years just to gain financial security. :) Of course you want to be around him and sleep near him for security. . hello, i will preface by saying i love my boyfriend very much, but his dependency issue is a glaring obstacle in our path at the moment. My boyfriends mother is extremely dependent of him and it’s interfering with our relationship So I just moved in with my boyfriend of 3 years since one month. We seek posts from users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try to solve. Your idea of a relationship is to do things apart. My relationship with my gf ended a few weeks ago. You cannot meet her needs and she cannot meet your needs. org Aug 17, 2018 · Some of the most common characteristics of codependency are people-pleasing, low self-esteem, fear of abandonment, difficulty trusting, poor boundaries, caretaking or rescuing, wanting to feel in Feb 28, 2022 · Research from 2018 outlines several criteria for love addiction, including the following that overlap with codependency symptoms: spending a lot of time thinking about your partner. Recently, we had a chat about independence. In codependent relationships, one person Hello fellow women of reddit. •Learn to pay attention to the situation. Codependency, in very basic terms, means making your value and your happiness dependent on another person, usually a romantic partner, occasionally a child or parent, but always someone that you have a close relationship with. true. Let me start by saying I have BPD, which is a personality disorder that centers around “the fear of abandonment” and having disorganized relationships with others and self. ) and I became very co dependent thinking I could fix him and I (F, now 27) was in a co-dependent relationship with my ex (M, now 37) for 3 years. How a healthy relationship should comprise of two independent people who leads independent lives. I can look back honestly at my past and my relationships and see that all of my best, most intense and fondest relationships were with other codependents. He paid rent, I paid the utilities and groceries. Something has to change so you aren't continuing this cycle of dependence. Both of you have different ideas on how a relationship should be like. But I was that way bc I felt extremely insecure in the relationship- I was constantly getting put down and cheated on- and the guy’s life was a disaster (in and out of jail, no job, etc. But more the most part he’s like you and enjoys his independence). 30. You are well on the path of a co-dependent relationship. ” Hi! Im 27F and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend 40M for 2 years now. longer term; feeling like you'd crumble without them, anxiety when they leave or something is not overly clarified, feeling like you aren't sure Nov 11, 2020 · Here are some of the telltale signs of a codependent relationship: You’re overly concerned about what the other person is doing, thinking, and feeling—and you want to fix or rescue them from See full list on health. the last thing you need is input from another child who is going to justify your poor choices and tell you to divorce. From the way you describe things in your post, it's clear that she's just grown more and more dependent on you. You already have a job, so that's half the battle already won. This feels like a punch to the gut. please just get out. We've started the process for the latter. In the newer broader sense, one is codependent if one thinks they are codependent, and it is that thinking that it is a problem that is indicative of a problem. That’s not what’s happening here. emyeq wnydyni dbghrh vsxck nuy jdtrtia rxnirbn eov yeo ptam
